You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
