So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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