I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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