i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
