im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need water and some morals
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
