I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
