after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
