I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
a search helicopter?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
