i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize