hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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