Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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