Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
