I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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