ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
