You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh god it's open bar.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
