for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
