3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
