thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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