so that wasnt chicken after all
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We need to get me chipped asap
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