I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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