Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
