Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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