Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
