hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
