im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
