he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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