I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
