I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
