she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
