I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
