I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
