The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
