You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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