the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
