I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
