Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
