I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
