I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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