Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
