So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
