she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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