I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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