Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
