Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
