Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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