I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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