i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize