i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
