Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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