Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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