If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize