Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
