I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
