i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
