last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
