You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize