I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
