Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
