Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
