hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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