Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
