So drunk its hurt
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
