he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
two words...techno handjob
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am naked and annoyed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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