definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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