There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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