Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
