I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
