I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
