So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
