I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
