She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
