Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
