I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
