I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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