just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am naked and annoyed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
