yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
